THE FEW. THE PROUD.

Happy Birthday to all Marines.
Mike Pettit, 0341 Forward Observer.
Ist Bn, 3rd Mar
Sempre Fi, Until I die

CRAP FICTION

I just finished with Book #4 in the JOHN LOCKE THRILLER series, JUNGLE RULES. The last three chapters were tough to get through just to bring everything together. I did a fast edit on WORD and burned off a copy to read. When I write, I usually don't go back and reread as I go along. I know the main plot, characters, sub plots...etc, but until I read the final, I'm never quite sure if it is as good as I think it is going to be. Am I the only one that works that way? I always work to get the words down as they burn through my imagination, not even worrying about spelling or punctuation at that point...just get the words down on the pages. I know when I'm on a good run when my fingers are running about a mile behind my mind.
What are other techniques that can be used. The speed writing is fun, but cleaning it up afterwords is a chore. The first thing I plan to do when I win the LOTTO is hire an editor in-chief.

VEGAS ODDS MAKERS TAKING BOOK ON BERNANKI AND FED BLOW OUT

BASIC RULE #1 When you find yourself in a hole. Stop digging.
BASIC RULE #2. You can't borrow money from yourself if you're broke.
BASIC RULE #3 Never spend more than you bring in.

The Vegas Odds Makers are shaking their heads today, wondering what the F*** is the FED doing. Mr. Bernanki announced that he was going to 'Monotize"the debt to the tune of six hundred billion dollars, that's $600,000,000,000.00, In other words, he is going to PRINT 600B to buy U.S. Bonds with that won't be worth the money they are printed on.  Smoke and Mirrors. The Chinese won't buy anymore of our JUNK BONDS, so the Fed ( Think Smoke Filled Back Room) decided they would sell the JUNK BONDS to themselves. The catch is, We The People are the suckers.
As an Author I could not think up a better Wall Street Crime story. The sad part is the ending to this story is going to be tragic for America.
FIGHT BACK, JUST SAY NO, I'M MAD AS HELL AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE.

IT'S OFFICIAL. GOOD NEWS , BAD NEWS

The BAD NEWS first. No matter how I count up the votes, I lost the election. I voted sooo many times I lost track: Absentee, early, write in, cross-districts, cross county, cross state lines....and I still lost. You can count on your fingers and toes the total number of votes I got. Bummer!
The GOOD NEWS? I finished my JUNGLE RULES manuscript last night while watching the national returns. It was easy, every time one of my candidates lost, I would bump off one more mutt. I'll have to re-read the last two chapters to get the body count, but man-o-man what an ending. Now comes the hard part....read the entire manuscript to make sure there are no loose ends, dangling participles, some dame I forgot to kiss goodbye, where I hid the loot, what happened to the drugs...you know, important stuff.
Fellow writers: WRITE, WRITE, WRITE, write your way out of writers block.

THE POLLS ARE IN, THE BALLETS COUNTED

IT'S OFFICIAL.  The ballots have been counted, and the results are shocking. The TOP FIVE Mystery, Suspense, Thriller writers of all time have been selected. The top five, in order of votes cast are:
1. ROBERT CRAIS
2. MICHEAL CONNELLY
3. MICKEY SPILLANE
4. RAYMOND CHANDLER
5. EARL STANLEY GARDNER
The poll was based on MY favorite writers of all times. Over a lifetime of reading of crime, murder, mayhem written by these authors, I was forced to select the order of  1 through 5 by drawing their names from my fedora as THE BEST. I know, I know, it's a dumb poll, BUT it's My Poll, so I guess I can choose anyone I want. I wanted each of these guys to be number one, but I couldn't figure out how to do it with out calling in ACORN, but they're busy this week, what with the national elections and all. Anyway, these are my top picks for the absolute best in crime writing. I was going to send out statues , or plaques, or something, but I figured they have enough award BLING as it is.
Way to go Big Guys.

Mike Pettit
Author
John Locke Suspense Thrillers

WILLIAM F. BUCKLY SUPPORTS CALIFORNIA MARYJANE PROP.

The problem with dying is that everything you tried to hide from others for all those years comes out. No more secrets, no more hiding , no more falsehoods. You're not there to deny or defend. For example, the photo to the right is of William F.Buckly's home office (Look close, you'll see Bill among the clutter). Who would have ever thought that such an unbelievable mind functioned among all that trash and garbage. I loved Buckley, with his head tilted back, nose in the air, the Haaavad accent, eyes a-flutter....and his writings, The father of Conservatism.
I wonder how many of his following knew of his thoughts on marijuana. Here is a quote from one of his many ramblings,

"Even if one takes every REEFER madness allegation of the Prohibitionists at face value, marijuana prohibition has done far more harm to far more people than marijuana ever could."

  WOW! that's from a side of Bill we never saw or read about.
I write about marijuana in my novels, not so much as REEFER MADNESS, but the money the sales bring in. The problem with legalizing MJ in California is that the law only frees up those over eighteen. The kids will still have to buy it on the street...the Mutts will still be out there making the big bucks, the Mexican Cartels will still be chopping off heads, and kids will still be going to the slam for a nickel or dime flop.

Now , if we had a law that dealers could be shot on sight, or have a hand cut off, or a big assed "D" for dealer tattooed on their foreheads, we might see some  slowing down in the trade.     

TARIQ TO SWING

Saddam Hussein's left hand man, Tariq Aziz, was sentenced today to hang by the neck until dead by the Iraqi High Court. Poor Tariq, the guy is taking the fall for just being there, when all those Kurds, and Shiite's were massacred. While sipping forbidden beverages with American diplomats, gas was being sprayed, heads being chopped, women being raped....all on his diplomatic watch. As a Thriller writer, my mind fast forwarded to the actual hanging: around midnight he'll be led up the wooden steps, a too large crowd of henchmen and helpers will be waiting for him, the hangman's knot dangling from a meat hook in the ceiling ( left over from Saddam's parties). Tariq , as a Christian, will cry out, "Allah Akbar, Death to the Infidels, Stay out the Bush's...." anything for a last minute reprieve. It's not to be. He shuffles forward, stubs a barefoot on a plank, looses his balance, free falls down twenty feet, breaking his neck. The Henchmen are enraged. Not to be cheated out of one of  life's great pleasures,they carry his lifeless body back up to the scaffold, put the noose firmly about his neck, signal for all cell phone cameras to be turned on, smile big for CNN, and pull the handle.

So will end the life of another tyrant. I always thought he was a likable guy when being interviewed on American news shows, but what do I know, I'm just a bottom feeder Thriller writer.

THE THRILL IS GONE

I can't believe it, my writing career is over, two months of writing is flushed. My career as an Action / Suspense writer is over. I'll have to find a new , more tame genre. I learned this morning that the highest courts in Saudi Arabia have outlawed leaving marks or scars on your wife and children when you beat them. What kind of ruling is this? No welts, no cuts, no whip marks. And you just know that because the Saudis have ruled on this it's going to hit us here in the U.S., twice as hard. Not only will women beating be against the law, just writing about it can get you sent to the slam for a nickel. I'll be an old man by the time I get out. I mean, if I can't smack a dame around in my novels, or bruise her up, where's the fun, not to mention my disappointed readers. I don't know, we have got to do something. Anyone have any ideas? Who are we going to take our macho out on?

BUT, that's not even the bad news. In California, legalizing Mary Jane is on November's ballot. WHAT IF IT PASSES? We're screwed. One more plot gone. I have a complete manuscript finished, edited, ready to go, but the subject is hijacked ganja coming into the L.A. Port. What am I supposed to do with twenty tons of high grade Pocolo from Maui? Change it to Food Stamps? Which reminds me, I have to run downtown and pick up my stamps and check....times are all ready hard on writers.  What's going to happen to us.Any Thoughts? Ideas? Solutions?

UFO'S SPOTTED OVER THE U.S. . SCI-FI AUTHORS IN ECSTASY

Sci-Fi writers  can be found watching the skies over New York and El Paso, what with all the strange lights hovering over those cities the last few days and nights. Strange coordinated maneuvers witnessed by thousands conjure up images of Han Solo , Chew Baka, and Yoda. Any Science Fiction writer worth her salt will be found laying out gazing at the heavens, hoping to be beamed up. My first experience with Sci Fi was Edgar Rice Burroughs, CAPTAIN CARTER OF MARS.  WOW! Talk about an Action thriller. I can see how a writer can get lost in other worlds, inhabited with Galactic Goo with human-like features, and two-headed damsels in distress.

Me? I'll stick to Action Thrillers, popping the bad guys with my "Nine", chasing Dames, drinking black coffee all night on a stake out, peeing in an empty coke can, waiting for the perp to show up.

WHAT EVERY MYSTERY AND THRILLER AUTHOR NEEDS TO KNOW ABOUT FORENSICS

The moment of truth. The CSI guys are bent over the torso, the heads in the bathtub, hands in the kitchen sink, feet inside his shoes neatly placed by the door. "What do you think?" asked the seasoned investigator. The young woman bends in for a closer look, "I'm not sure, Loo, but my gut tells me we have a sick mutt on our hands." DUH!

How many times have you found yourself in this situation, where you've written yourself into a corner and don't know , or understand, the procedural or what to say, or do next. All of us have, and when in doubt, we punt. just like the young CSI agent above. There is nothing wrong with punting, as long as your reader goes along with it. It's a critical moment where Mr. Reader might say, "What a bunch of crap" and toss your book in the pile next to his recliner.  When you are not sure of what to say, make stuff up that sounds technical or, informed. I had a character in my novel, THE BODY BROKER, I needed one of her kidneys for a high paying customer. I wasn't sure how to extract the kidney while she was kicking and screaming, so I invented a drug I named Hextametephine, a powerful hypnotic that did the trick, she went under immediately, after I shot her up with five cc's of the stuff. A half hour later, I had her in a bathtub filled with crushed ice, called 911, and walked out of her apartment with her kidney, locking the door behind me.

I may be wrong about telling people to make believable stuff up, but so far it's worked for me. I would be interested in how some of you others handle situations like this.

Shoot me a reply, let's communicate. If you share with me, I'll tell you how I got a sample of Uday Husain's DNA before the Iraq war =o)