TARIQ TO SWING

Saddam Hussein's left hand man, Tariq Aziz, was sentenced today to hang by the neck until dead by the Iraqi High Court. Poor Tariq, the guy is taking the fall for just being there, when all those Kurds, and Shiite's were massacred. While sipping forbidden beverages with American diplomats, gas was being sprayed, heads being chopped, women being raped....all on his diplomatic watch. As a Thriller writer, my mind fast forwarded to the actual hanging: around midnight he'll be led up the wooden steps, a too large crowd of henchmen and helpers will be waiting for him, the hangman's knot dangling from a meat hook in the ceiling ( left over from Saddam's parties). Tariq , as a Christian, will cry out, "Allah Akbar, Death to the Infidels, Stay out the Bush's...." anything for a last minute reprieve. It's not to be. He shuffles forward, stubs a barefoot on a plank, looses his balance, free falls down twenty feet, breaking his neck. The Henchmen are enraged. Not to be cheated out of one of  life's great pleasures,they carry his lifeless body back up to the scaffold, put the noose firmly about his neck, signal for all cell phone cameras to be turned on, smile big for CNN, and pull the handle.

So will end the life of another tyrant. I always thought he was a likable guy when being interviewed on American news shows, but what do I know, I'm just a bottom feeder Thriller writer.

THE THRILL IS GONE

I can't believe it, my writing career is over, two months of writing is flushed. My career as an Action / Suspense writer is over. I'll have to find a new , more tame genre. I learned this morning that the highest courts in Saudi Arabia have outlawed leaving marks or scars on your wife and children when you beat them. What kind of ruling is this? No welts, no cuts, no whip marks. And you just know that because the Saudis have ruled on this it's going to hit us here in the U.S., twice as hard. Not only will women beating be against the law, just writing about it can get you sent to the slam for a nickel. I'll be an old man by the time I get out. I mean, if I can't smack a dame around in my novels, or bruise her up, where's the fun, not to mention my disappointed readers. I don't know, we have got to do something. Anyone have any ideas? Who are we going to take our macho out on?

BUT, that's not even the bad news. In California, legalizing Mary Jane is on November's ballot. WHAT IF IT PASSES? We're screwed. One more plot gone. I have a complete manuscript finished, edited, ready to go, but the subject is hijacked ganja coming into the L.A. Port. What am I supposed to do with twenty tons of high grade Pocolo from Maui? Change it to Food Stamps? Which reminds me, I have to run downtown and pick up my stamps and check....times are all ready hard on writers.  What's going to happen to us.Any Thoughts? Ideas? Solutions?

UFO'S SPOTTED OVER THE U.S. . SCI-FI AUTHORS IN ECSTASY

Sci-Fi writers  can be found watching the skies over New York and El Paso, what with all the strange lights hovering over those cities the last few days and nights. Strange coordinated maneuvers witnessed by thousands conjure up images of Han Solo , Chew Baka, and Yoda. Any Science Fiction writer worth her salt will be found laying out gazing at the heavens, hoping to be beamed up. My first experience with Sci Fi was Edgar Rice Burroughs, CAPTAIN CARTER OF MARS.  WOW! Talk about an Action thriller. I can see how a writer can get lost in other worlds, inhabited with Galactic Goo with human-like features, and two-headed damsels in distress.

Me? I'll stick to Action Thrillers, popping the bad guys with my "Nine", chasing Dames, drinking black coffee all night on a stake out, peeing in an empty coke can, waiting for the perp to show up.

WHAT EVERY MYSTERY AND THRILLER AUTHOR NEEDS TO KNOW ABOUT FORENSICS

The moment of truth. The CSI guys are bent over the torso, the heads in the bathtub, hands in the kitchen sink, feet inside his shoes neatly placed by the door. "What do you think?" asked the seasoned investigator. The young woman bends in for a closer look, "I'm not sure, Loo, but my gut tells me we have a sick mutt on our hands." DUH!

How many times have you found yourself in this situation, where you've written yourself into a corner and don't know , or understand, the procedural or what to say, or do next. All of us have, and when in doubt, we punt. just like the young CSI agent above. There is nothing wrong with punting, as long as your reader goes along with it. It's a critical moment where Mr. Reader might say, "What a bunch of crap" and toss your book in the pile next to his recliner.  When you are not sure of what to say, make stuff up that sounds technical or, informed. I had a character in my novel, THE BODY BROKER, I needed one of her kidneys for a high paying customer. I wasn't sure how to extract the kidney while she was kicking and screaming, so I invented a drug I named Hextametephine, a powerful hypnotic that did the trick, she went under immediately, after I shot her up with five cc's of the stuff. A half hour later, I had her in a bathtub filled with crushed ice, called 911, and walked out of her apartment with her kidney, locking the door behind me.

I may be wrong about telling people to make believable stuff up, but so far it's worked for me. I would be interested in how some of you others handle situations like this.

Shoot me a reply, let's communicate. If you share with me, I'll tell you how I got a sample of Uday Husain's DNA before the Iraq war =o)

AMERICAN HEROES

Meet Sgt Alvin York, United States Army, Hero.

In France, during World War One, Sgt York and seven of his men were surrounded and outnumbered by the Germans in a small patch of woods. The Platoon Commander had been killed, and Sgt York took command. Low on ammunition, no help on the horizon, several critically wounded troopers. What's a Lad to do? Sgt York did what hundreds of other American Military heroes have done through countless wars and skirmishes', He attacked. Single handed, he killed twenty-eight German soldiers, and captured one hundred and thirty two others. It was reported that the Germans were so terrified of this one man's murderous rage that they threw down their weapons and surrendered. Sgt York, Soldier, Patriot.

Today's young heroes are still doing the same thing today around the globe. When in doubt, attack. Meanwhile, our citizens are at the Mall, watching Dancing with the Stars, and worried about their next Latte, being fed mind numbing BS about how it's America's fault for all the troubles in the world.

At some point, we will have burned up all of our Sgt York's, and then what?

Our enemies are at the gate, America, and they don't fight fair.

Rally to the Flag, Patriots.

CHICKEN FINGERS, ANYONE? BUFFALO WINGS PERHAPS?

 

 The next time you're hungry for chicken strips or nuggets, check the country of origin. Today, over eighty percent of all frozen or processed food comes from China. There are NO laws that control how food is handled or prepared. Conditions are so bad that even the workers get sick from the disgusting process. The day starts with guys on mooter cycles go around the local villages buying dead chickens from the local farmers for one RMB per piece ( About 12 cents). Then they are taken to the  Processing facility  where they are boiled in a filthy bathtub in filthy water to help with the de-feathering, then they are gutted and separated into recognizable parts. It gets worse with the dying of the meat to make it look healthy, the culling of the "Seconds" that are shipped to third world countries. The primo stuff comes to the U.S. and Canada. The bar coding is misleading and often says things like made in china, processed in Canada. The real proof is to watch for any bar code that starts with 690, 691, 692, 693, 694, and 695. These indicate made in China. Food processed from Vietnam, Hong Kong, and Thailand  is just as bad.

Almost all restaurant chains and  large food chains buy their seafood and chicken from these countries. Read the labels. Buy American , we know the FDA does a good job here, ( I think?)

Bon Apetite, Mi ami

CIA - FACT OR FICTION, TRUTH OR LIES

 

 What if all the fictional characters we read about in Action Thrillers were true? The Super Secret Covert Agent that deals only with the CIA Director, and the President, or the Computer Geek in the CIA basement that knows the "Backdoor" to every mainframe in the world, Or, how about the maverick agent that knows too much, and management wants to use extreme prejudice against him. 

What if they were true. As an author, I hope they are true. I hope the CIA is filled with secret cover shoot first, talk later agents, guys that are expert in close in Black Work, tough dudes with a cyanide capsule in  his molar, ready to crunch it when the opposition go for the gonads with battery cables.

The sad part is, I don't think we have these types. I think the majority are nine to five ho-hum civil servants that put in their twenty, and then double dip working nights for the U.S. Postal Service sorting mail. What a shame. The reality is that politics have the real doers and shakers shackled: No water boarding, no battery cables, no dirty names. My hero is the guy that thought up putting caterpillars in the solitary cell with that terrorist mutt that plotted the World Trade Center killings. That man should have received a medal, instead I'll bet he's sitting behind a cash register at a 7 Eleven somewhere.

Just imagine how things would be different if there really was a 007, or the Man From U.N.C.L.E., Or Bill Cosby in I Spy....Hell even Max in Get Smart, or Inspector Cluesoe 

Maybe we should out-source our spy business, get it out of the hands of the wonks and wussies, put it in the hands that are motivated by profit and watch the body count climb.

Meanwhile, I'll keep my guy, John Locke, out of D.C. and working bottom feeder cases, where the action is up close and personal, and the winner is the last man standing.

If some one at the CIA has a different slant on this, let me know. No Wimps though, no Rock-Paper-Scissor types, please.

BULL DOG COURAGE

I remember watching old Western movies on Saturday's at the movies. The Good Guy always wore the white hat, and the bad guy the black hat. The good guy always was fastest on the draw, got the girl, and moved the herd on up to Kansas City. The bad guy was left laying in the dust. In today's Thriller Genre, the good guy can't always be spotted right off. In fact, even the term "Good Guy" doesn't apply. In my John Locke Thrillers, I want my hero to be mean, gritty, tough, able to take a bullet to the body, and keep on going. Today's Lead Men have to be tough, they don't have to be on the right side of the law, they just have to be the last man standing when  the cordite smoke clears. One of the best movies made in recent years is No Country For Old Men.WOW! What a flick. I have tried to determine who the Hero was in the movie, and I still can't tell you.

I like to leave my readers the same way, WOW! Who won? Where's the money? Dame, What Dame?

PLOT? WHAT PLOT?

I try to write at least twenty-five hundred words a day on each novel, but with so many words going down, I sometimes wander off from the main plot. To get around this, I usually do several sub plots, or what's known in the publishing world as "Braiding". This allows me to wander around, and still stay on message. The trick is to fold all the sub-plots together into the Big Boy before I write that last chapter. Sub-plotting also allows you to introduce secondary characters and tidbits of information not known by the main character. These are what I call my Supporting Actors, and they help move the story along. In my series of John Locke Thrillers, I have developed a few Supporting Actors who have become Co-Stars: Uncle Fat, Gunny Reed, Hop Fung, Ralph Yee to name a few. John Locke is Da Man, but these other guys are ready to go the distance , if need be.
Try adding a couple of new unique characters to your story and see where it goes. Remember, its the Plot, always the plot.

LOOKING FOR A CLUE

Are there any honest people in the world anymore? The only news from all sources around the globe is nothing more than a run down on who stole what, who got caught, who's sorry they got caught. How much? what currency? Everything is in play: Body parts, blood diamonds, funny money, sex, murder, drugs, more sex, more murder. It makes my head spin. Being an author of Thrillers , I never run out of plots and sub plots. It seems that the Perps are getting meaner and nastier too. They don't just slap a Vic around anymore, no, they have to cut them up, hurt them bad, leave them maimed, like the girl that had acid splashed in her face by another girl ,because she was prettier...and they were sixth graders. My oh My, times are getting mean out there on the street. So, my caution to you is to be alert, be watchful, know who and what's around you at all times. Look for clues to trouble...It's right outside your door, waiting.